A prayer in the dark
by norway4ever
Summary: Cas is nowhere to be found and that pisses Dean off. Rated M for language and some sexual content. i'm not very good with summaries...
1. Lying son of a bitch

**A/N: This is my first Supernatural fanfic. There will be 2 or 3 chapters. The idea just came to me this morning. Please let me know it you like it. Also I don't own the characters, as I'm sure you all know.**

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Dean Winchester slammed the door to the motel shut. He was so angry he didn't know what to do. How could Castiel just leave them like that, leave him. Dean had prayed for him to come and help them, but – nothing. He hadn't heard form him in weeks. Same with Sam. _He_ had tried praying too, same result.

"He's a coward." Dean whispered as he walked to his bed and sat down. "A liar. That son of a bitch! If he really cared he would be here now."

He laid down on his back, looking up on the ceiling. Somehow Dean knew he didn't believe what he said. He hadn't lost all hope on Cas yet. Cas got him out of hell for god's sake. But why would he do that if he were to leave him at a time like this?

Dean found he couldn't just lie there forever. He got up and took a beer out of the fridge. He needed air; he needed to clear his head.

Outside it was chilly. The stars were shining bright on the night sky. It was a beautiful night, though Dean wasn't able to appreciate it. He took a sip of his beer. The only thought going through Dean's head was how Cas could betray them like that. And more important, betray him.

Dean grabbed his phone out of his pocket. He figured maybe talking to someone would get his mind off things. Besides, he had no idea where Sam was.

Sam picked up after the second ring:

_"Hello?"_

"Sammy, it's Dean." He said relieved Sam picked up so quickly.

_"Dean, hey. Where are you?"_

"I'm at the motel. And where are you?"

_"I'm at a bar."_

"You? At a bar?" This was unusual, Dean thought.

_"Yeah."_

"Alone?"

_"Well, yeah. Why? Shouldn't I be? It's not that unusual. People go to bars alone all the time, you know!"_

"Okay. Fine I guess. I was just wondering, is all." He almost wanted to laugh at his little brother. Almost.

There was a silent break before Sam spoke again. _"Hey, Dean… Are you okay?"_

Dean turned serious again. "Fuck" he whispered. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be? I'm great."

_"You sure? You seemed pretty pissed back there."_

"You heard me! I'm great!" his anger getting more clear in his voice.

_"Fine, I just thought –"_

"Well, you know what Sam? You thought wrong!" He was almost yelling now.

_"Dean?"_

Sam's voice was low and caring. Dean didn't answer.

_"I'm sorry. For everything."_

"There's nothing you can do about it Sammy. See you later." Dean hung up.

Obviously the phone call didn't help. He was still just as angry, if not angrier than before. He looked up at the stars in the sky. Maybe Cas was there looking down on him? Probably not. That bastard didn't care about him. How could he have been so wrong about him? How stupid to trust an angel.

Taking another sip off his beer, Dean got inside again. He put the bottle on a little table that was already occupied with stacks of old books and papers.

He sat down on the bed again, supporting his elbows on his knees. "Cas, you asshole! Why?" He felt empty. Like a part of him was missing. It was all Cas' fault, he thought to himself.

In a last minute of desperation Dean straightened up, closed his eyes, folded his hands and began praying, again. Hoping this time Cas would come. Giving some answers, at least.

"Castiel? You there? I know you can hear me! Answer me! How can you just leave us? Does the word 'family' mean nothing to you? We believed in you Cas, why aren't you here!? Please Cas… We need you… _I_ need you." A tear fell down Dean's cheek. "You son of a bitch!" He yelled. "Sam and I've been praying to you for help and you do nothing. I'm begging you Cas, please… There are a lot of douchebags in this world, Castiel. I know, I was one of them. But I never thought you'd be one. So get your feathery ass down here so I can kick it!"

Dean opened his eyes and looked around. No sign of Cas. He stood up and walked over to the little table he had put his beer. "Bastard." He said in a low voice. Then he yelled, "I trusted you!" and in one movement he tipped the table so the books and papers flew everywhere and the bottle broke into a thousand pieces. The table was left broken on the floor. The probably had to pay for that, but Dean didn't care.

Falling down on his knees, tears ran down his chin. Why had Can even saved him from hell? As it was now he wished he was still there. It sure would feel better. He would never have met Cas, and he would not be betrayed and hurt this way.

"It's all your fault…" Dean was looking at his hands with tear-filled eyes. "Why wont you listen to my prayers?"

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**A/N: It's not my best work, but i like it. And that should be enough.**


	2. Forgive me

**A/N: Chapter 2 guys :)**

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"Dean?" a calm and familiar voice said from somewhere behind him.

Dean froze. It wasn't possible. "Castiel…" he said and got up on his feet, still not turning to look at the newcomer.

"Hello Dean." The newcomer, Castiel, said in the same calm tone he always talked in. There was a moment of silence. Dean refused to turn around to look at Cas. And Cas himself didn't know what to say. He had heard all Dean and Sam's prayers, although he hadn't responded. How was he going to get Dean to understand?

He cleared his throat. "I am sorry I–" he began, but Dean stopped him.

Dean turned around to face Cas. Giving him a warning look. "You're sorry?" he said with something that could be taken as loathe in his voice. "You're _sorry_? For what exactly? Leaving me and Sam for weeks, _weeks_, without telling us why? Or listening to our prayers and not give a damn word back? Or maybe for lying your feathery ass off?"

"Dean just let me explain." Cas said. It hurt him seeing Dean like this.

"Explain? You're a lying son of a bitch! Why would I believe anything you say anymore?" Dean's eyes filled with tears again.

"I never lied to you Dean. Please, just let me explain."

"Oh, you lied. You told me if I ever needed you all I had to do was pray, and you'd be there. Where were you Cas? Where were you when I prayed?"

Cas sat down on Dean's bed, looking kind of shabby. "I did it to protect you. You must understand there was nothing I wanted more than help you… and Sam."

Dean narrowed his eyes on him. "Protect me from what, Cas? I'm a hunter. You've seen the things I've done. What the hell can be so dangerous you can't talk to me for weeks?"

Cas sighed. "Dean–"

"WHAT!?" Dean was shaking with anger.

"You have to calm down." As he talked Cas stood up facing Dean.

Dean came closer so they were on an arms length. "Don't avoid the question, Cas. What are you protecting me from?"

"I can't tell you. This is dangerous enough as it is. Forgive me, Dean. I should never have come here." He looked down, defeated.

Seeing Cas like that, Dean felt his anger ease. Not much, but enough not to yell at him. "Cas, listen to me. What is it you can't tell me? What is going on?"

"You wouldn't understand…" Cas didn't look at Dean.

Dean reached out a hand and caressed Cas' cheek. He lifted his head so their eyes met. Dean's face was very serious as he talked. "Then help me understand."

"No, Dean. I can't. I'm not allowed to say. I'm not even allowed to be here."

All anger had gone from Dean. Now that Cas was there, it didn't seem like that big of a deal anymore. Especially since he looked so tiered and stressed out. Dean sat down on his bed and let out a sigh. Cas sat down beside him, looking straight ahead. Dean could feel Cas' hand on his thigh. Even after all this time he still got butterflies in his stomach when Cas touched him.

"You are right." Cas said. Dean gave him a questioning look. Cas continued. "In your prayer earlier. I am a douchebag. I hope you can forgive me." Dean didn't answer to this. Instead he had an inner battle whether or not he should forgive Cas completely.

They stayed like this for a couple of minutes. No one saying a word, just making the best of the confusing situation. Cas laid his head on Dean's shoulder. A small smile appeared on Dean's face against his will.

"This might be the last time we can see each other for a really long time." Cas whispered.

"I just wish I knew why." Dean said, making a last try on making Cas tell him everything. Unfortunately there was no making Cas change his mind.

"You know I can't tell you." Cas lifted his head and looked Dean in the eyes. "Dean, I need you to pray to me. Everyday, so I know you're alive and doing well."

"How will I know if you're okay, then? Prayers are only a one way communication."

"You wont." Cas answered simply. "But I need you to do this for me."

Dean nodded slowly. "Fine. I'll pray to you."

Cas' face changed from sad and serious to relived and relaxed. He leaned in and kissed Dean on the lips. Dean was surprised, but not very. He gave Cas a crooked smile in answer.

"Thank you, Dean. It means a lot." Cas didn't break eye contact one second while talking.

"You're a son of a bitch. You know that?"

Then Dean kissed Cas back with so much force and passion they fell back on the bed, Dean on top of Cas. They began making out on the bed. Cas moved his hands over Dean's chest and up to his hair. Dean used his arms to hold himself up so he wasn't crushing him. He took one arm and began unbuttoning his own shirt. Cas moaned under him.

Dean lowered himself so their bodies came closer. He started kissing Cas' neck, and rubbing their boners together through the fabric of their pants. Cas groaned loudly, but took himself together.

"Dean? Dean stop!" Dean stopped at once. Had he done something wrong?

He sat up looking down on Cas. "What is it?"

"I – I can't do this. Not now." Cas said, sitting up too but not meeting his eyes. "I have to leave you again."

Dean shook his head slowly. "No Cas. Don't do this."

Cas kissed Dean one last time and whispered, "Forgive me Dean." Then he disappeared, leaving Dean alone.

**Dean's praying journal:**

**_Day 1_**

_Dear Cas. I miss you already. Sam and I are fine. We're moving south, we got a tip there is a vampire nest near Gulfport, Mississippi. I hope you're doing fine, wherever you are. And if I understood you right, you are in more danger than me. Be careful okay? I hope it's not to long 'till we see each other again. _

_Oh, and Cas… I forgive you. What's family for, right?_

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**A/N: Done! It's done! I'm done! Everything's done! … Done! There will be no more chapters. Now review! I mean if you want to. I'm not making you do anything.. Please review J thanks **


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